Quickie

Weight: 204

Well, I stayed within my calorie range again.  Working out BEFORE dinner has helped a lot!  I ate pasta with marinara last night and was stuffed!  If I workout tonight, I'll swim I think.  I could really feel it in my arms and back on the eliptical.  I was only able to go for about 10 minutes. 

My workout shirt really showed off my fat rolls!  It didn't have the same compression as the others.  If I were still in my 20s,  I would have had to throw on a T-Shirt, but I decided, the humiliation was good for me.  If I don't want to be humiliated by my fat rolls, I better lose some weight!  Can I get an Amen? AMEN!!

I'm Back!!

Weight 205 (down 2lbs from Monday)

I stayed under 1500 calories yesterday!  I also had a great workout.  I went straight to the gym from work.  It was busy, but the Y is huge and, while the weight machines are usually taken, there is always a treadmill or eliptical available.  My mile time is high, 12 minutes, but I still get through it.  I did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the eliptical.  On the eliptical, I grasped the handles at their farthest away point, so I got a really good back and arm workout.  I'm almost glad the weight machines were taken. 

My husband and I are going to celebrate Valentines Day on Thursday.  We don't know where we're going yet, but I think I will do my best to eat healthy.  I'm going to try to convince him to go to the gym first.  We'll see how that goes.

Starting Over Again. . . again

I tipped the scales at 207 this morning.  I could feel this comming for a while.  I've just been having a good ol' time shoving food into my mouth.  My Dad got me a book for Christmas called "The Maker's Diet".  I'm going to try it.  It's basically low carb, but, I am shocked by some of the things the Bible tells us not to eat, i.e., shrimp, lobster, pork. . .  He gives great reasons scientifically for why these foods might be bad for us.  It's mostly about how the food they eat is processed allowing the bad stuff to stay in their bodies and subsequently be eaten by its prey (us).  So, some of the foods he says to eat is a no brainer, i.e., leafy greens.  Some of what he says is shocking, i.e., no beans.  Lentils are okay to eat, but no other bean.  Interesting.

I haven't really decided what I am going to be doing, although, I will say, I've stopped eating shrimp, lobster and pork.  It skeeves me now. 

I'm going to count my calories for sure.  I'm thinking 1500 per day sounds good.  I'm also going to go to the gym straight from work.  The bad thing about that is the gym is packed at that time.  It is the only time to go, however, since I proved to myself last night that if I try to wait until a less busy time, I just wont go.  I was going to put in a workout DVD, but I just couldn't get into it.  So, basically, last night I lounged around the house in my gym clothes. 

Fat Girl v. Skinny Girl Salads

I've wanted to address this issue for some time.  My mom, my sister and I were all sitting at a restaurant getting ready to order food.  My mom and I (fat girls) were discussing how high in calories salads are.  My sister (skinny girl) angrily protested saying, "Salad is the healthiest thing you can eat!  It's got roughage, you throw on some strawberries, chicken, pecans and some vinaigrette dressing, and you have a healthy low calorie meal!  It did no good to argue with her because she was absolutely right.  But, that is not the type of salad my mom and I were talking about.  That is NOT what goes on a fat girl salad.  When fat girls think salad, they think Cobb salad with ranch.  In case you do not know what goes into a Cobb salad, it's bacon, eggs, blue cheese, avocado, and bacon. Or, we're thinking chef salad with cheddar cheese, ham and turkey and ranch. All high calorie items.  If you are counting calories, you might as well have a cheeseburger and probably spare yourself about 500 calories. 

I'm not saying fat girl salads can't be healthy.  The salads I make at home consist of the following:

1 oz walnuts
1/2 cup slices cucumber
1 oz crimini mushrooms
1/2 oz pumkin seeds raw
1 serving raw sunflower seeds
1 serving organic spring mix
2 servings shredded cheese
1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil

That is a healthy salad folks.   It's also over 1600 calories.  That's a whole days worth.  The only way to get away with eating that many calories and not gaining weight is to be on a low carb diet. Walnuts, olive oil and cheese are all high calorie items.  1 tablespoon of olive oil is 120 calories.  1oz of cheese is 120 calories and, yes, walnuts are healthy, but 1 oz of walnuts is 190 calories. God forbid I throw on some healthy avacodo.  At the end of the day it is about calories in and calories out. 

A later discussion with my sister about this topic helped me to understand better the attitude skinny girls have toward fat girls and it is basically this:  Fat girls know nothing about nutrition and what is good for them. Well, that couldn't be further from the truth.  Most fat girls, maybe because we are so obsessed with food, could tell you the glycemic index of a tomato, and the benefits of lycopene, without having to think about it.  - I also want to add the side note that, while I do have extra body weight, I pass every physical with flying colors,  I can run a mile in under 10 minutes, and  I have preferred status on my life insurance.  I am healthy!

You see, its not a matter of knowing, nor is it necessarily a matter of self-control.  Its a matter of taste.  Just as some people enjoy cake and ice cream, I could go without it.  If someone told me I could never have it again, I seriously wouldn't care.  That being said, some people enjoy these foods on a level I could never appreciate  That, folks, is the difference between fat and skinny.

Did I Binge?

Okay, so yesterday I think I may have binged, but it's hard to tell.  I did put on a couple of lbs.  Let's review what I had:

1/2 grapefruit for breakfast
1 Apple and 1 nectarine for lunch
6 oz Chicken w cucumber & tomatoes

Okay I also had 3 bloody marys with pickles, but come on!! 

I was down to 194 yesterday and up to 197 today.  I am really worried that I have slowed my metabolism. 

The rest of the weekend I need to work hard to stick to the diet exactly, but it's so hard.  I'm hungry.  I have a headache (probably from the bloody mary's)  I'm feeling a little nauseous.  A large salad with some avocado, blue cheese, walnuts and olive oil would be so awesome right now, or some eggs and fried potatoes, or some . . . STOP!  

For now I'm chalking this up to junk food withdrawals and the fact that I had vodka last night.  I need to re-adjust and think about WHY I'm doing this in the first place. 

Day Whatever

I have to stop trying to count the days like I'm going to be so diligent as to not miss a single day.  That's just not what my life is like.  So, now I have the task of coming of with clever titles for these things.

Last night I totally pigged out.  I ate a whole grapefruit for breakfast.   I was cooking for two for dinner and I didn't even weigh  the cauliflower or shrimp.  I ate a whole bowl full.  And, I had two nectarines while my husband and I watched the Dilemma. 

The awesome thing about last night is that my husband loved his fat free food!  I wouldn't let him eat popcorn or anything "good" last night.  He had to eat nectarines with me.  I was pretty firm.  If I was a crack addict, would he smoke crack in front of me?  Of course not!!  I know I've said this before, but it's much clearer to me now: I am one piece of cheese away from a total relapse.  He did tell my his stomach was burning with hunger before he went to bed.  I have little sympathy.

Yesterday was very difficult with regard to how I felt physically.  There was no question that my body was going through withdrawals.  I've been through it before with smoking.  I can't tolerate anyone eating junk food around me.  The other day I walked into my bosses office to find him munching on a bag of chips.  "On a diet?" I say.  Wow.  How unbelievably rude.  But, that's how us recovering junkies are.  It's like when people quit smoking and someone lights up in front of them.  The first thing they'll tell you is that they were able to quit (insinuating what a weak piece of crap the other person is for not have the willpower to do so), then they will probably fan their face and say something like, "I forgot how much smoking stinks."  What they are really thinking is, "I really want a cigarette bad, and I'm about to tackle this guy and steel his cigarettes."   That's how I felt.  I wanted to grab that bag of chips and run out of my bosses office cramming chips into my mouth. 

HCG Day 2

195 lbs.  I feel very good this morning, although I should note that I slept for a full 8 hours.  I am definitely losing weight.  Even 5 lbs of water feels good to get off. My biggest concern is my metabolism slowing down, but that's what the HCG drops are supposed to prevent from happening. 

At 9:30 a.m. I was starving again and my stomach was making very loud noises.  I didn't get as nauseous from the supplements, but still a little.  Lunch time actually came and went without me noticing.  I guess I wasn't dreaming about my shrimp, cucumbers and tomatoes with lemon juice.  It did taste good, but everything does when you're starving. 

Dinner was the same as last night, tilapia and cauliflower.  I was still "hungry" when I was done, or at least I still wanted to be shoving food in my mouth, so I threw some raw spinach in the pan with the juices.  Then I remembered that I am not allowed to mix veggies (tomato is a fruit), so I mixed it with my left over chicken with some cut up apple and put it in the fridge for lunch tomorrow.  I then ate a nectarine and the rest of my grapefruit left over from breakfast. 

It's 9:05 pm now.  My stomach is growling.  I have work to do, so hopefully that keeps my mind off of snacking.  I am craving junk food right now like some kind of addict. I do recall reading a testimonial about a woman who claims to be addicted to food and how it is so much harder than other addictions because she cannot just stop eating.  I believe that statement is incorrect.  We need food to live, yes, but it is not an addiction like as to cigarettes.  What she means to say is that she is addicted to non-food.  Saying you are addicted to food means that an apple, or cucumber would satisfy you.  If it would, then you are just hungry.  If it won't and they only thing that will settle your craving is a large order of chili cheese fries, it is not the food that you crave, but the non-food.  The non-food is as addictive as crack.  I think I could get high from a piece of cheese right now.  No kidding.  I think I need methadone.

My name is Shayne Atwood and I am a non-food addict.  It's been 2 days since I have last eaten non-food.